After the last Keahak channel held on May 23, 2020, I sensed to share how I almost left physical form on accident and share how I returned from realization ‘out there’ to bringing it to here and now, staying in physical form.
As you all know, one can get to the depths of allowing – knowing your realization is not here in the Earth reality play but ‘over there’ in the all that is YOU – and when you hit that deep space, absolutely nothing in your previous human life matters anymore.
Not your partner, not your bank account, not your family or Shaumbra friends, and, in my case, not even my dog.
The ecstasy of the I Am is truly something that cannot compare to what we all believed was love when we were still in the limited human perceptions rather than the sensations of the God, also.
When I attended the Master’s Life 3: Embodied Consciousness recording live, ASG said: “One cannot know love until they know the ecstasy of the I Am.”
I wrote it down in my notes and underlined it.
This is what I came here to experience – not in a mental concept but with deep sensation beyond emotion, beyond story lines.
As I have written before – realization does in fact occur ‘over there’ as ASG said in a Keahak channel about two months ago – yet embodied realization is when you bring ‘over there’ to meet here and now. The endless Now and infinite Here.
Keahak does something truly wonderful for me. It provides a beautiful hindsight master’s view of what occurred for me in years past.
Sometimes and very rarely it reveals something in the present, but ninety percent of the time Keahak allows me to say with great enthusiasm, “Oh that’s what happened (blank) years ago.”
Just like it is for you, the words ASG shares in Keahak are Me talking to Me. How cool is that?
I’ll take you back to September 2017. I was in Kuta, Bali, traveling with my then Shaumbra partner.
One hot night towards the end of our stay in Bali, I had the dream of all dreams I never told him or anyone about the dream – not until a year later or so when I go through and write my story down allowing the words to simmer and bubble up in their divine timing.
Then, I could not speak the words.
In the dream, I am standing in a long dark hallway. The walls of the hallway are like castle walls. Fire-breathing lanterns light the path before me.
Now I know from Keahak – that we can call this the Hallway of Wisdom – the alters (the first part of the Keahak series) lining the halls – way back in 2017.
Time is not linear. It bends and folds upon itself as we do, allowing to points in a linear line to loop and intersect in the beauty that is life with the veils fully lifted to reveal our inimitable grandness.
I was walking the hallways of wisdom alone, and then a large group of people come by.
I stopped the gentleman in front.
“Where are you going?” I ask.
“We are going to a costume party of sorts,” he said. “We are all dressed up in our ‘costumes’ from our last life on Earth.”
What he meant is that each person is wearingtheir human identity from the lifetime in which they experienced realization or their last lifetime.
“Do you want to come?” he asked.
“No. I think I’ll stay on my own,” I said.
I felt myself un-group and de-tribe entirely.
I un-grouped from Shaumbra, from the Crimson Council, from my archangel family and from my ancestral all at once in a state of deep, deep allowing.
What was I allowing? Self and self alone.
The huge raucous party procession went by me.
I waved goodbye, and once they passed I felt that ecstasy of the I Am that I had underlined in my journal.
I followed it through the hallways until I came upon a set of stairs that was mine and mine alone.
I started to climb the stairs, but I found I did not need my feet to walk. I floated.
I entered a room with high ceilings. The walls were lined with books that stretched floor to roof. Several windows displayed vast and unearthly landscapes.
I was in the library of my own soul’s wisdom.
I started to feel sleepy, so I lay down on a couch, which instantly manifested as soon as I felt tired.
Just before I lay down, I saw an object on a desk in front of me.
It was like a picture frame but instead of a photo behind the glass it showed the cosmos.
I could compare the object to a glass ant farm, but instead of the ants digging tunnels, it was like looking into the Milky Way from the clear desert sky on a new moon.
The sensation inside of me showed me, “The stars are aligned for your realization, for your Return to Self. It is Now.”
The date is set.
I laid down on the couch, experiencing the deepest state of allowing and relaxing of lifetimes.
The couch was so comfortable, I sank into it.
I began to make a decision in sensation that I would stay here. I would stay here on this couch for eternity. I was so very tired of life. I was so very weepy. I felt very done with the world in this moment. There was nothing left for me on Earth.
This was not because my life felt bad or I was suffering. It was a sensation of completeness – that I had experienced everything the world had to offer.
The ecstasy of the I Am was all I ever wanted to experience and now it was here. Surely, it was okay to curl up on my own cosmic couch and stay never to return to Earth again.
In Keahak terms, I was ‘over there’ in my realization, and I was not going to go back to the ‘here’ of Earth.
I did not realize at the time that something else was brewing inside of me – something we call New Life – Nova Vita – USARA.
Just then an older woman who called herself Hilde burst into the library room I was in.
“This never happens!” she yelled. “You are not supposed to be here!”
She pulled a cell phone out of her pocket and said, “You have to go back. And you have to do it Now. This never happens!”
At first, I thought she was angry. Then, I realized she was panicked. It was fear.
I wasn’t really interested in going back, and then she used shock to pull me from the trance.
“Your mom called. She is dying,” she said. “She needs you.”
She held up the cell phone and waved it in my face.
Earth reality came back and slapped me in the face.
Wake up, get your shit together, my insides sang to me.
“Okay. Okay. I will go back,” I replied.
Hilde walked me to a room and told me to sit down on what looked like a portal to a tube - like a tunneled water slide at a hotel resort.
She told me to sit in the lotus pose and to relax. She was shooting me through a tube back to Earth.
I realize now Hilde was a facet of myself kicking me in the ass to get me back to finish the job of this last life. To kick me into gear for something now available on Earth that was not available before. The nectar of New Life. I could begin to taste it.
Just before she ‘hit the button’ to send me back to the ‘over here’, the man from the party brought me a plate of whipped cream leftover from the party. I smiled.
It was – to this day – the best thing I have ever tasted, more real than any Earth reality.
With a big fat smile on my face, the bottom dropped out from where I floated in the lotus position and my consciousness returned to my energetic form – the body lying in the bed in Kuta, Bali.
Sleeping Lauren felt the jolt of the consciousness returning the energetic form – I was no longer a soul inhabiting a physical body, man what a racket that was – I was simply energy responding to my own inimitable consciousness of being God, also.
Back in human form, I woke up in a pool of my own sweat, heart racing.
I called my mom. She was fine. This was a tactic use to shock me into returning to Earth. It worked.
My then-partner woke up finally woke up and asked what was going on.
“Nothing. I just had a dream,” I responded.
Three months later I crossed the Threshold, which is nothing more than crossing the wall of fire – yet again – and returning to who I am/ was prior to consciousness.
The road after realization – in the last two and a half years – has been winding and sometimes downright painful to the humanity I chose to keep and cherish. I am not going to lie to you.
I made my way to the over there while staying in physical form a year later with my biological body fading into my I Am-ness, becoming one.
As this happened, anything that no longer fit into my new state of being went to the wayside. The partner. The ability to relate to my peers. Friends. Several moves until I found the positioning on Earth in which my light should go.
I realized that my gifts – my true Is-ness and Being-ness here and now embodied – were to sovereignly support lovely beings choosing realization while staying in physical form.
It’s not something my human would have chosen. In fact, it is something I do not take lightly and something I scan for energetic imbalance no less than 5,000 times a day – without thought, just on auto-pilot of being-ness.
It is not something my integrated ego likes to do, it is just who I am.
It took two very long years to reconcile it. It is not a path of parties and community. It’s a responsibility, but I came to understand my service is my sovereignty, and my sovereignty is my freedom. That won’t make sense in the mind. To the mind everything about mastery is a paradox. To an integrated being, paradox is simply is-ness for there’s no separation of duality. It flows, instead, in sparkling neutrality.
There’s magic too. Magic lies in the sparkling neutrality, in the beautiful tension that occurs between human and divine combined as one, a dance between energy and consciousness that were never not one and the same.
My I Am is fully here on Earth embodied. This is the Atlantean Dream and I made it. Tears pour down my face. I made it.
One day there will be more and more of us and what we will co-create will be beyond anything any of us could have ever dreamed until now.
Oh man, I would have been so upset to miss this final experience.
New Life. Once you drop to the zero point – to the bottom of the no self – a New Self Emerges. I will not write too much about it.
Like the dream when it first happened, it is almost to special to me to share it out loud.
But I will share it, and I will stay on Earth for a long while to come.
I still cry every single day. But they are tears of beauty, deep sensuality, and grief that contains no object, which is no longer considered a ‘bad’ thing.
I can’t tell you why it is worth it to stay on Earth, but I can ask:
Don’t you want to find out?
Lauren Hutton (Sarah) writes adventure novels and short stories about the self-realization experience and beyond. She fancies herself a humanizing divinity journalist and shares her work here with the Magus Kuthumi.