Note to self to come back and re-write this. It should really be titled: Great leaps in consciousness occur when we are the most vulnerable. I wrote about a time when vulnerability served me. When we bring our barriers down. When we seek the company of people who challenge us not in our heads but in our hearts to know we are so much more. That is the message.I'll like end up re-writing it. More on the vulnerability piece that was missed in interpretation. I forgot how the mind works, because I don't have one. Ahhh..:)
I thought to share a somewhat funny and delightfully insightful experience I once had.
In October of 2016 I attended my last Crimson Circle workshop as a participant.
It was called the Threshold Reunion and was set up for those who attended a Threshold gathering (described fully in my latest book publication) and attendees were invited to come back and share how their life had changed since then.
I was called up to the front chair to share my experiences. I sat down confident, my human self fully ready and eager to share all my wisdom.
Adamus asked, "So what has changed?"
I began to go on about really learning to love myself, about how I could hear my soul speak clearly now. About how I really got it this time.
I babbled on and on until he stopped me in my makyo tracks.
He said, "I am going to stop you there. Can I share something?"
I nodded yes.
"Oh boy!", I thought. What did I do?
"You are going to become very passionate about something in the next six months," he said. "It will be like moving from a shallow to a very deep well."
I was floored. I really thought I was already swimming in the deep end. I was so popular in my crimson community at the time. I was a favorite in all the various facebook groups. I attended all the monthly meetings live. I was revered by my peers. People loved my posts. I was a rock star in that world.
And, right here in this very moment, I realized I had not been in the deep end after all. I was splashing around with my peers in the shallow end and calling it deep.
It was striking this awareness of myself that rolled in. It wasn't at all pleasant to the human expression of myself, which had not yet integrated. I was embarrassed because I still had an active ego at the time.
I had to really admit to myself that I was nowhere close to my realization, my enlightenment. I was only swimming along the edges of the void, and it was really time to dive in, to let go, to actually and truly allow.
I had been talking the talk but I never actually walked the walk. I had all the knowledge and now was the time to actually apply it.
I took a big gulp, swallowed my human pride, and dove in - right in that very moment.
In the next six months, my passion became clear. It was for myself, to truly know myself.
I started to follow solely the knowingness of my true essence, my I-am-ness into the void. I let go of all the external chatter in my community. I completely disengaged from the play.
No longer popular among my peers, in some cases the opposite, I found I didn't care.
I found I was no longer embarrassed because I was finally answering the ultimate question of existence, "Who am I?"
I was experiencing my own inimitable consciousness for the first time. I have no words for the steady bottom-level joy that permeated my beingness. I was blinded by my own beauty in such a way, that I could not look anywhere else.
I fell backwards so deeply into myself I came out on the other side, the next fall in 2017 as a fully realized being.
Adamus St. Germain did me huge favor. He stopped me in my tracks.
I was a walking Facebook meme with so many followers, and what I realized was that I was only imitating consciousness - with my mind.
Actual consciousness, the real kind could only be found beyond it, I realized.
In falling backwards into the void of the GodSelf, I went beyond the mind.
The dialogue between the human and soul stopped, for I no longer had a soul, for how could I separate that out when I was One within - a state of no separation.
When I speak of the state of further, it is never a comparison. Only the mind will make it one.
Out here beyond the mind, a state of further is moving from shallow waters into the bottomless depths of the oceanic self.
For those choosing the same, I offer sovereign support in a variety of ways. Books, group calls, private sessions, dream visits, and in a Facebook group. I pay forward what St. G did for me but in my own uniquely feminine yin way. El Morya at my side. And, always in honor of you and your inimitable Return to Self.
With love, vulnerability, and deep humility,
Lauren & Sar'h
Our newsletter moving forward will contain a monthly video. I really look forward to sharing that with you all. You can join the conversation by signing up for our newsletter by registering as a member. It is free and also gives you access to a free publication - The Thirty Days of Self-Love.
"Why is it that people, beautiful beings, who are ready have not allowed their realization?"
Morya: This one is easy. ENTITLEMENT.
Sar'h: Okay, let's have a look at the definition. The fact of having the right to something. Or the belief the that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment. So, I assume you are referring to the human persona being entitled?
Morya: Yes, the human ego + mind holds a belief that somehow being born with so much wisdom in this lifetime makes them special. That they know how to "do" enlightenment better than anyone else. Or to tell other people how to do their own enlightenment, without actually having gone through it.
It is in this state of human superiority (a belief system) that one is not allowing the surrender into the void, to bend to the will of God, to allow GodSelf realization.
You see, reversing into the void, you have to let go of any idea that you are special, that you know anything more than anyone else. To step in the void you must be humbled beyond any human comprehension.
It is in this void that the human self gets as you wrote in your book, "annihilated". That's why you see embodied masters that have no concept of being any better than anyone else. If anything, they have moved from feeling special, superior into understanding the truth, that no one is entitled to anything and superior/ inferior was simply another dualistic construct.
Sar'h: Going back to my awakening in the human persona perspective, I remember my dad had just died and my body could not process any food. I was miserable, so bloated, and so sad. One day I was sitting in a restaurant watching a thin woman eat a pizza without getting sick and I was so pissed. I thought, I'll bet her dad is even alive. I remember feeling so upset that here I was on my journey back to Self, supporting the collective human evolution, and I could not even eat a piece of pizza or talk to my father. Is this what you mean?
Morya: Yes, you are not entitled to anything in the realization experience. Not a bank account, not a healthy body, not a family, not a partner, nothing! NOTHING!
The gift comes in the form of knowing oneself, of really being able to answer the question "Who am I?" for the first time in thousands of lives. Human entitlement is what keeps people in their limitations. It's what they grab onto when it is far past time to let go.
Sar'h: Would you also say this applies to the human persona's addiction to experiences?
Morya: Yes, many people today are trying to run successful human business, become popular in their Facebook groups, come up with the next latest and greatest thing. But as I said before, "You cannot have your (human) cake and eat it too."
Realization is going all in. Then if you choose to stay in physical form, you can really decide what your passion is to create in this world, if you have one. The thing is the way energy worked before realization is completely different than after realization - as you are learning right now, Sar'h.
It is a huge waste of time and energy to keep trying to create in the old way. It simply won't work. A dog chasing its tail.
Allow your self-realization and then see what you are moved to create in an entirely different way.
Sar'h: So once the human persona weaves into the tapestry of Self, you realize you are not entitled to anything, but your own creations. And in the realized state of being, creations will look completely different and operate in New Energy dynamics. For example, use of power or force or effort-ing will not produce results in the realized state as it did prior to realization. ??
Morya: Bottom line is the human ego thinks it is entitled to just about everything when a being makes the decision to allow their self-realization.
It tries to negotiate with the GodSelf who does not negotiate. For example, I am choosing realization. It's hard, so I need XXXX.... The perception of human free will must (and will) completely dissolve in the sacred art of surrender.
A realized being knows they are entitled to nothing, and they need nothing. That is the freedom. And that's when all needs are met, but not in the way the human believes they should be, but by then it has simply surrendered to the "void" changing from a fixed form into a formless form.
Sar'h: Would you suggest those reading this looking at what they feel they are entitled to?
Morya: Yes, I would. Take a very deep scan where your human feels entitled to certain things, whether it be more human experience, recognition (that was your big one - remember?), or having physical human needs met.
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS GOING TO BE? GO DEEPER!
Sar'h: Feeling entitled to receiving recognition or being seen in my Sa-RA form was certainly my biggest belief system to integrate/ release. Indeed it was very sticky and every now and again I feel it come up, but only slightly. Is this natural?
Morya: Yes, it is a constant state of energetic balancing that is occurring. I know as I stepped into my teacher role in my last lifetime on Earth, that those moments when the desire for being seen as a teacher, or recognized as wise, it was simply energetic imbalance coming to the surface. All one needs to do is play witness to it.
Sar'h: Thank you. Do you know what's the opposite of entitlement, Morya?
Morya: I'm glad you asked, Sar'h. You already know. It is gratitude. How does that feel?
Sar'h: Really, really good.
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Sar'h & Morya
Lauren Hutton (Sar'h) writes adventure novels and short stories about the self-realization experience and beyond.