I have been writing my next book on the side, and wanted to share a little bit with you. This book picks up right where the last one left off. It goes month by month on what life looked like for me post-realization and going about embodying the experience.
As you will recall, I stepped into an altered state of being in October 2017, and then found I never left it. Each chapter is a self-contained short story illustrating what it looked like to embody my realization.
The photo is a sunset from my Colorado home, which I sold and left only three months post-realization.
Thank you for the space to share.
With love --
LATE NOVEMBER 2017 (TWO WEEKS POST RETURN TO SELF)
It was late November in linear year 2017. I did not know it at the time, but I am one month into my initial realization, which I describe fully in both my last book and in several articles and videos. Thus, I will not do it here.
You see, after experiencing myself as God, also, I did not equate it with realization for there were too many belief systems in place to allow me to call it such a thing. Masters were x, y, and z and I still had to prove that I was x, y, and z – so I better keep my mouth shut.
“Would I slip back into a state of unconsciousness,” I wondered.
The answer was no.
And, I simply wanted to sit with it, with Me, until I understood it enough to speak or write about it.
One of the best choices I made in this lifetime was to hold my realization close to my chest. To allow the new born baby to learn to walk on wobbly legs until it was ready to step into the world of others choosing realization.
In fact, I never spoke the words I am realized until July of 2018, when I felt I was sure and indeed that was what occurred in that New Mexico cabin in the last days of October and early November 2017.
Things began to occur rapidly after this three-day experience in the woods. Rapid things that were beautiful things and rapid things that were often messy things. My relationship with energy was changing, and instead of holding on, I realized I needed to let go. Again. I realized things were going to be real messy and that all of creation existed in the perception of the chaos surrounding me.
For example, a Shaumbra woman was living in my house. I traveled through Asia the months before, and she needed a place to stay. I needed someone to watch my dog.
When I got home – she had put all my belongings into the basement of my house and rearranged the house with her own objects. A long, pointless story.
So here I was back at home in Colorado after my trip – I was sitting at the dining room table having a cup of tea in the dark, in the silence of my own home. My dog rested on my feet.
The song of my soul was so beautifully loud, the notes so crisp. I heard it playing clearly for the very first time – in this lifetime. Realization, or the Return to Self, removed every barrier, every belief that muffled the sound of my very own, inimitable song.
The song of my soul combined into a symphony of sound sensation as it flowed, and merged, and danced with the unknown – something I will call God, something you likely call consciousness. The THAT in the I Am THAT I Am.
The song of my soul made energy dance and respond to my inimitable consciousness, and as I was having tea, I watched in utter clarity, deep knowingness, and sensation in motion with no movement, as I saw how actual creation works.
I saw the physics of energy responding to consciousness and realized it was nothing more than the simple play of consciousness becoming aware of itself.
I was back at the beginning. I reached through the Wall of Fire and reclaimed the part of myself I had left behind when I left one-ness. And in doing so, I did not only step into the Third Circle of creation. I became it. After so many lifetimes in the duality, linearity, and gravity of the physical world.
As I sat at the table having tea with myself, I heard the front door open. It slammed into the wall behind it. The Shaumbra roommate stepped into what was my house before it was taken over – like a bull in a china shop.
“I just have to tell you this story!” she exclaimed. Her movements and her voice so jarring in the contrast of my extreme stillness.
She began to launch into a dramatic tale of a man she met online dating. Something about a stalker, and on. And on. And on. I couldn’t place the words in my brain as it had re-wired in this experience of Returning to Self.
I held my hand up, palm to her face to say, “Stop. That’s enough. I have heard enough.”
I’m sure for her I was rude and mean and all the things you see play out on the social media forums among pre-realized beings who are deep in integration.
I could not care if I was rude, which is something in direct opposition of my previous human personality. That stuff no longer mattered to me. What mattered what was playing out inside of Me.
The symphony ringing out through the caverns of my beingn-ess was far too grand and far too beautiful to be interrupted by such things. Stories. Stories. And more stories. I couldn’t take another old story in my life – ever again.
Next, I firmly laid out when and how she was going to put my house back in order and make her exit, and I went to bed.
My external reality was still so far from the display of consciousness bursting inside of me.
"Why was that?"I wondered.
Little did I know, it would take another two years for the internal to match the external. I was not yet aware that internal and external perceptions were simply another illusion of maya, or duality, as you might call it. That the divide between the two were yet another form separation that would dissolve before my eyes. Poof. Gone.
That would mark yet another point of no return, coming into my awareness so quickly, it would take two more moves, a breaking off with my partner, and a complete overhaul of the people in my life to truly understand it. To create a space of further by going empty once again.
Thus, I went to bed – not exactly knowing at a human level but conscious of it none the less, that on this cold night in late November, I began the experience of embodying my realization, in order to go from surviving on Earth to thriving in New Life.
I did not yet know that a completely New Life and new vessel (or body) awaited me on the other side of further.
All I really knew at the time was sovereignty, God, answers without the ability to form words to make the question, well, everything existed within this symphony of my energy dancing with my inimitable consciousness. One day the separation between energy and consciousness would even merge and become One.
And that knowingness was going to have to be enough for that cold night swimming in a Colorado November.
Lauren Hutton (Sar'h) writes adventure novels and short stories about the self-realization experience and beyond.