A few notes from the draft table of my next book:
In the awakening experience, we often mentally separate out things within ourselves that actually are not separate – not to fragment ourselves, per se – but to examine them broken down – in search of the answer to the ultimate question – Who am I?
In the New Age and yogic communities, teachings and lectures often look at the ego. They divide up the body into chakras as a method for the quest to understand the nature of both their human and divine parts of Self.
A great deal of time and effort is spent on ‘controlling’ the fluctuations of the mind in meditation circles. Prayers and affirmations go out to all sorts of external beings and sources.
A life of spiritual seeking is never wasted. In many cases it is a step, if you will, in which you learn that the answers are not outside yourself but within yourself.
It is an experience in which the human part of self is reminded that no god, no angel, no being other than YOU is responsible for your enlightenment – AND every single experience you’ve ever had.
Though, many of you here reading this, have moved well past this – or simply skipped this whole spiritual thing in this life – especially those under thirty – I bring it up because it has some parallels in regard to this last rebellion of sorts from your human self before it integrates with its innate divine nature.
In this lifetime, I spent a couple of years perusing New Age and yogic studies just to get an energetic grasp on what was out there. It has been a lifelong study of watching how people receive information in regard to their realization – well beyond awakening. I am not here to ‘work’ in that area at all.
Examining what makes a person teetering on the tip of embodied realization cross over is something I agreed to observe and share with the group of beings I hang out when I am outside of time and space, mainly El Morya – who does not like the title Master because it is far too limiting, I might add for flavor.
We often discuss – in energetic song not words – how something is shared from an ascended master or elsewhere, and then how it gets filtered through the human mind and distorted as it comes from no gravity and into the density of the physical world.
By the time we move well beyond spirituality - yet another identity - whether in this life or a previous one - we realize there is no controlling the mind – only moving beyond it. We realize there is but one chakra – the I Exist or I am that I am. So’hum!
In observing many others as well as my own unique experience…
Albeit, in some ways my experience might be a bit easier, only because I spent about fourteen lifetimes and an intensive preparation ‘out there’ for this very special lifetime. In other words, I cleared most of my shit in other incarnations and this one has been pretty shit free. Most of you also cleared so much before this lifetime. There's not any more work to do.
…the ‘final’ experience leading up to realization – as I talked so much about in the chapters on The Final Let Go – seems to be about reconciling our divinity with our humanity.
And, in my observation, I see the tension between the two seems to reside between the human’s desire to hang onto its identity, and the divine self’s desire not to be locked into any one fixed identity.
In some schools, they want to kill the ‘ego’ and blow up the mind. Here, we are accepting all parts of our big Self, including all perceived imperfections, allowing them to integrate, without trying to change them or correct them. So, it’s not like we are going to banish an identity from our existence. It simply doesn’t work that way.
True and pure creation never has an agenda, and what a creation your unique self-realization is!
One of the biggest things to get over is the myth that you will be a perfect human in realization.
For some of you, you’ve heard this said a million times. But I will remind you anyway – when you wake up realized one fine day – the date already set – that is, if it has not occurred already – you will not be perfect, or glowing.
You will still take a poop just like everyone else. You might raise your voice even. What changes is your perspective and experience.
For example, things that were once boring – like house chores or going grocery shopping – are suddenly so enthralling because well, it’s just so New. You see life in color, when it used to be black and white.
Instead of moving through time and space, you sink more and more into the experience of time and space moving through you. I have so much to write about here.
So, going back to this integration of your humanity and divinity…
For a time, it is quite appropriate to distinguish between the voices within you. What is the human voice (ego) and what is that of the soul. It is important to have the dialogue between the two.
I relish in the experiential years of speaking with my soul, of hearing its song in this perceived state of separation between the ‘trinity’ – made up of human, master, and I Exist.
The trinity is from the times of Yeshua and Mary Magdalene - the father/ son/ holy spirit was really divine nature (GodSelf)/ Human/ I am that I am.
Just like anything else, it serves until it doesn’t – the evolution occurring naturally within yourself – without effort (allowing).
In the previous chapters, I described how felt my humanity weave itself into the Tapestry of Self.
I want to stress after this integration happens, it doesn't mean you’re done or graduated. Actually, my current experience is that you are never done or graduated. That never happens, and we are always in a state of perpetual becoming.
Yet, this state of constant motion soon occurs in an integrated space of human and divine combined, not human vs. divine. And, the sensation of this integration is completely different.
So, what it did mean to weave my humanity into the fabric of me?
It meant an end to the human/ soul discussions and internal conversations and debates that had been going on for years or probably lifetimes.
Here's an example: I had something come up to 'integrate' recently. I don’t like the word integrate here because, more so, the sensation was bringing in a facet of myself – already fully integrated – into embodied form. Self-realization opens the door to creation embodied.
So, what I’m trying to say is after you realize you are already realized – you are not fixed or finalized and you are still far from perfect in the eyes of human perspective.
Yet, to yourself - in the way you perceive yourself without a mirror - without looking through the eyes of another - you are beyond perfect in every single way.
And, that literally is the only perspective you see. Not caring about how others perceive you, is such a nice bonus…but not the main thing. It simply doesn't come up.
Allowing is still occurring in the new state of being, only it comes from a space of expanded consciousness, of integrated human and divine into the ‘Infinite I’ – a term from Sar’h.
So, basically, there is no resistance. The human identity – which has completely integrated – is no longer there to fight something. There is no identity to defend anymore. What a relief! You can finally relax!
What is it like to have no fixed identity in place? It’s so freeing.
I am a vessel for the will of God, in the words of Morya.
God, which is me. I am God. No also. No too. Guilt-free.
The opposite of guilt is innocence.
El Morya and I have been calling what happens in the absence of a fixed identity – being ‘slippery’ – this is the first time I have written about it.
Being slippery means you find yourself constantly in motion – that’s Morya and Sar'h’s “perpetual state of becoming.”
Whatever integrated face or facet of Self, that serves the situation for the maximum joy experience, that’s what shows up.
All natural. No steps. No thinking. Not being tied to anything - save for the I am.
You slip and slide from one experience to the next because there is no identity holding you hostage in a situation (where the suffering comes from).
Maximum joy. Life force flow within unfiltered – no sticky points or clogged energetic pipes.
To some this may seem inauthentic, you may seem inauthentic, because the human mind’s belief system is that someone must be consistent to be authentic. They must have principles that never change to be authentic.
The reality is the self-realized master is never consistent and always authentic but only to Self, and only to the moment. Then they slip and slide with no resistance into the next experience.
It was the human identity that told itself consistency was necessary (a tactic to stay alive!), therefore creating a situation in which resistance occurred between the face/ facet and any given situation, which is constantly in motion.
Staying tied to an identity when the situation changes (or moves through you) = stuck = suffering.
Freedom from an identity fixed - the difference between an aspect (unintegrated identity) and facet (integrated expression of the I AM).
In this state, it’s near impossible to get mad at other people – unless you choose the experience – because you can see nearly every single action they take is in defense, in protection of an identity they have not shed yet.
That’s not a judgment. It’s just something you can watch and see - pure observation.
The desire to correct or explain goes down the tube. There is no reference point. It is a waste of breath.
That’s the other thing.
There is often what I call a ‘heavy discernment phase’ before the human self integrates.
You have already moved from mind-heavy judgements in awakening.
Then, as you integrate all these parts and pieces of yourself in moving into a self-realized state of being, discernment is essential in knowing what voice you are hearing or making decisions from within yourself.
You discern and discern and discern what is yours and what is not yours in this phase - until you wear yourself out.
You create more and more and more boundaries - until you realize you don't need them anymore.
Then, after integration of human and divine nature, discernment is no longer necessary.
Everything is YOURS!
In addition, there is no boundary between internal and external. It’s all yours.
I am God. This is all my creation. All the time.
So instead of discerning, you might find yourself like me simply observing energetic everything in a very neutral state, which is a condition of finding yourself beyond linear time and gravity and duality in the ‘Infinite Now.’
INFINITE I in the INFINITE NOW.
All of this brings wildly brilliant and fun childlike innocence - everything is just so freaking cool.
After my realization experiences, I will say for a couple months on occasion, I did have some residual fears surface of losing myself, specifically not being able to hold onto my physical body. There were a couple of other stumbling blocks I will write about later.
I understood in these moments of feeling extremely un-tethered – lightly choosing to stay in the body was enough to have energy support that decision – and there was no work involved to stay ‘alive.’ I could see why many would just float on out – integrate the biological too. More on this too…
Another way to say it, less mental this time, is I expanded and then constricted to create space for New Life, something I am still stepping into!
In this switch, I let go of the tie to physical form – another identity – and instead I became even more physically embodied - I love a good paradox.
Yet, I want to tell you in all these iterations in the perpetual state of becoming – there was no suffering involved in it, only sensuality – which I ‘credit’ to not being tied to any hardfast identity.
When you hear about what’s outside the zoo - or as I have written about “ordering off the menu” in my first book – or what’s outside the bubble like I did in my latest book out in a few months – right now that answer is FREEDOM FROM THE BARS OF A FIXED HUMAN IDENTITY. And, that for me, marks the end of human suffering.
How can you suffer when you are the one creating your reality with every breath?
Now the answer to the question: Who am I am?
I am that I am.
And, I truly understand it as the most profound sentence in our current language.
Freedom from Identity: What lies outside the zoo!
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Lauren Hutton (Sar'h) writes adventure novels and short stories about the self-realization experience and beyond.