relationships in realization

Shaumbra Relationships... Here we go...
 
I thought I was going to have the weekend off. That’s funny. When you turn from a ‘me’ self – the I am This – into a vessel for the Infinite Mystery of the I Am That, there’s really no separation between ‘work’ and personal life. All is what it is, no separation. 
 
Jokingly, I am praying to the GodSelf for what I am about to share with you. The ‘me’ image that so desires a relationship in firm commitment and definition is likely going to feel the need to defend itself AND I will add it is not the real You. Maybe consider sitting on the rock of belief boulders instead of throwing them my way. Ha! All said in light-hearted fun. 
 
Before we go into what relationships look like in a realized state of being, there’s something that must be understood. If you have taken the Art of Allowing course by Morya and myself or simply come to understand this on your own, it will be nothing new, but it must be stated. 
 
I am going to write it in first person from personal experience in hopes that you all are less offended or feeling a need to protect, defend or add strength to a conviction that is from the ‘me’ image. 
 
When I first had my awakening and Morya showed up and found Crimson Circle (in that order), I chose to have the self-realization experience. 
 
The human did what it does. In order to experience anything, the human creates an identity, a façade, an aspect to experience realization. 
 
The thing is that worked in the past. When I wanted to be a lobbyist, I created a façade (external projection image) of myself to experience influencing government. Success was defined on my stage performance on a collective belief system movie screen. 
 
When I wanted to experience human love, I created an image of myself as a wife. Defined by the external environment of husband. The script of husband and wife was written based on belief systems. 
 
When I went through my awakening I gave up the mass consciousness roles for my so-called new, shiny awakened role, I created yet another aspect or image of myself that was consciously awake. This image was so shiny and also a fierce guard of her newfound spiritual belief systems. 
 
Further, I created an image of myself choosing realization. Let that sink in. A separated image projection of Self choosing realization…
 
That worked for a while. This holographic projection of Lauren choosing realization allowed me to explore conscious concepts put forth in my mind with a solid story.  It felt safe. To explore it all in the old ways of mind and stories. I explored realization through an identity, and it was okay because it got me where I was going. It served and then it didn’t. 
 
One day I realized I was living a cartoon character version of realization and all the people around me where in the same cartoon – a play on a stage about realization. Different stage, different script written by a new set of belief systems labeled conscious. 
 
This deep knowingness of the I AM’s gnostic, ineffable quality started to trickle in and it whispered to me without words, “There is so more to realization than the enlightenment plays you are acting in.” Perhaps, Morya stepped in a little bit here with his piercing eyes of Clarity. 
 
That’s when the sacred art of surrender began. I was surrendering to the void of the GodSelf, the I am God, too, the infinite mystery of the I AM THAT I AM. That is what I allowed. Not the play. Not the image I manifested to experience realization. Real me. The part a that never walked through the Wall of Fire. That was never not whole. 
 
After realization, I understood deeply the transition of the I AM THIS human choosing realization to knowing deeply I AM THAT I AM. 
 
In this new space, there was no longer a need for identity and ego or to be an actor on the stage with others choosing their realization with the holographic projection of self or me. 
 
As a result, I had to learn how to live and love all over again. No Self gave way to New Life – USARA – something that cannot be reached until you hit the zero point of identity – a place that exists beyond mind and beyond ego. 
 
So much of the discussion in the crimson play is about to be or not to be in a relationship, to be or not to be working a job or my favorite – what to eat and what not to eat… That’s part of the story and it’s beautiful – until you go beyond story and beyond soul even…
 
The funniest (funny strange not funny jajajaja) thing ever is these questions and copious debates are about how to manage the projected image of little me choosing realization. 
 
When you take identity out of the equation, which needs to define itself through outside circumstances, it no longer matters whether you work, or don’t, have a partner, or don’t. You simply do not define yourself that way. 
 
Some might say I am opposed to relationships. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I have a multitude of relationships and I love hard yet fluidly.  
 
I love you all and I love Shaumbra so much tears pour from eyes as I type this. You don’t even know how much I love you all. How much honor and respect I have for you and what you are choosing for yourself and for other beings choosing consciousness over automation for eons to come. 
 
Further, I actually feel you don’t have to leave your parents, spouse, and I really feel if you have small children you have a soul contract to provide them a safe space to be until they become adults. So, sue me! You can allow realization and be a parent and fulfill your soul contract there. Not a hard and fast belief boulder, but an inclination I feel to honor the choices you made coming into physical form. Back to the point…
 
What occurs in realization is you stop defining yourself by these things. You stop defining yourself in relation to external environments and people. By your relationships. 
 
You realize the truest part of you can retain its peace, joy, and most of all sovereignty within all relationships by being you and allowing the natural fluidity and impermanent nature of everything. 
 
Without identity projections (aspects), nothing needs to be defined, protected and use of force and strength becomes obsolete. Even the wisdomizing is no longer needed – there’s nothing left for the Master to compost because you stop crapping limited human experiences. Ha… 
 
Many Shaumbra want to work at conscious romantic relationships. It’s not the relationship part that stirs response from me. 
 
It is the question: who is trying to figure out the concept of a conscious relationship and define it? Ninety-nine percent of the time it is the image projection of ‘me’ identity choosing realization. That’s not really who you are. You are so much more than a me identity. 
 
Shaumbra are still doing surveillance on their allowing realization – trying to manage it all from the human perspective – they want everything in place before they allow it … control… If you try to manage energy from the human limits, energy will manage you. 
 
The mind story goes like this… I need to have my money situation figured out before allowing realization, my body needs to be healthy, I have to have this whole conscious relationship thing figured out… before I really allow…
 
Realization – the Final Let Go – happens when you understand nothing will ever be figured out by the human’s limited view. 
 
Like Mary Magdalene says in our upcoming class ‘Tales of an Aspect Integrated’… "You know you've finally moved on from your ever-repeating stories when they no longer require a finite conclusion. Writing a conclusion to the story actually keeps it in its never-ending loop." 
 
Many Shaumbra are trying to write the story of a conscious romantic relationship with a firm conclusion prior to allowing realization. It keeps you in the local linear loop.

I will say if any group of beings can create the truly sovereign relationship, it is Shaumbra, yet it won't happen until both beings step into full mastery - for lack of a better term. 
 
Once you step into realization –after a steadying re-adjustment grace period –all of life falls into place. It unfolds in the moment, and the human ‘me’ is not so involved anymore –if at all. 
 
Also, I want to say I think it is a beautiful thing for two people choosing realization to walk with one another for a while ‘toward’ their realization. Yet, there’s a deep compassion involved, especially when one steps into their realized state of being before another. 
 
We are not in a Twin Flame fairy tale, in which two people reach enlightenment together at the exact same moment. You are too sovereign for that. 
 
The partner who is still in seeking realization identity will have a variety of responses. Disbelief, jealousy, and perhaps, in some cases, deep honor without question for their partner. 
 
Is this level of compassion possible? Sure. It is a potential but I wouldn’t go so far as to say it is a probability. 
 
When you experience realization, your perception of reality permanently changes. It will be vastly different from another in a pre-realization projection. It’s easier to have friends in this space than it would be to have a daily life romantic partner. 
 
It’s a really weird time – reversing into realizing you are already realized. 
 
It’s a deeply sensual and sensitive time in the days and months following realization.
 
You are hearing the symphony of your Soul playing within the caverns of your being-ness. It is too sweet to be interrupted.  
 
And then someone wants to know what you are going to make for dinner… 
 
It’s like “what?! Shhh.. I can hear the symphony of my soul for the very first time."
 
One person in the no self – another in the self that is playing on the pre-realized stage. Can it be done? SURE. It will be a question of whether you want to or not. 
 
For me it was a question of can I do this and be ME and move into the state of further into embodiment or the free energy body (I’m not there yet - 43%...). The answer was no. 
 
I chose allowing the state of further into embodiment over trying to stay put for another person. That person did not even want me to stay put. But there I was holding myself in a state for them. That’s my own doing. Something I own and hold responsibility for.

The choice is personal. Love is impersonal. 
 
I see it is almost easier for a being choosing and actually allowing realization to be with a human being who does not seek, yet who is simply there to support. 
 
My personal opinion: Allowing realization is easiest alone. For you are the only one who can cross the Threshold. No ascended master, no partner, no spirit guide is going to be able to walk with you through the gateless gate. You get to choose, though, what works for you. 
 
The feeling is so sublime in realization, in really being able to answer the question “Who am I?” for the very first time while in physical form.

You will not want to be interrupted. A compassionate partner will allow you this space. A compassionate partner will not hold themselves back moving from realization to embodiment, waiting for a partner to ‘catch up.’ You flow with the divine timing, or you get sick resisting…
 
Further, something to own for myself, if you allow realization and your partner has not, you have to leave them be, not trying to change or alter their space in any way. I found I couldn’t do it. I didn’t have it in me. 
 
This next part is just to answer a few things people ask me. Nothing is actually personal anymore so I am happy to answer. 
 
In my current state – almost two years in Post-realization state of being – or simply being ME, a vessel of the I AM THAT – I cannot imagine going on a date. I’d feel like I was an impersonator of myself. 
 
People on dates want to know your identity, what you do. In this case, I’d be playing, acting out, a version of Lauren who no longer exists. Lauren dissolved into the all that is a while ago. It feels like pulling out a ghost of a past life. 
 
I recently tried to do this back in April when meeting with friends, I impersonated old Lauren all weekend. I was utterly exhausted by the time I go home. 
 
I cannot imagine having sex like a human – like rabbits – it is highly unappealing to me. I try on the idea from time to time because I used to love sex. But, it would be imposter Lauren in the bedroom and nothing would feel more twisted for me. 

I don't 'think' I have enough biology left to produce a child, and I have moved into the sensuality of allowing that biological desire to dissolve. 
 
I will say in my fluidity and loving love with such depths that impersonal allows...

When I need touch, someone shows up to hold my hand and hold me. This is marvelous. 
 
When I need to play, another person shows up to surf next to me. 
 
The connection I receive from teaching along with Morya is the most satisfying love making I have ever experienced. My books are my children. 
 
Most days I am sitting in the ascended masters club, as you call it – we don’t – and my biological body lies dormant on the couch with my sweet, sweet dog sitting on my feet, assuring I don’t leave to soon. 
 
I meet my friends there. They are me AND they are sovereign beings. There’s no mirror anymore. 
 
It allows me to be able to stay here longer and to sovereignly support Shaumbra who give me permission to do so. 
 
All this to say, instead of spending so much time looking at what a conscious relationship is and trying to define it, allow your realization. In this space, you will truly know what love is, and it will bring the most sensual and joyful tears to your eyes. 
 
I love you all. You cannot define it or give it parameters. 
 
To leave you with a state of further… 
 
In embodiment, everyone on your BON screen is you. There’s not really such a thing as other people or other people’s energy. BON screens never match. They are sovereign. 
 
Another note: If you are energy, your relationship with energy is the relationship with yourself. Not your relationship with people or concepts like abundance viewed as outside of yourself. The lines between internal and external dissolve. 
 
“There’s so much more!” 
 
I am Sar’h – an ascended master who returned to Earth to support a group of beings called Shaumbra, choosing realization while staying in physical form, in support of those choosing consciousness over automation for eons to come. There is nothing more sovereign than service. At least, not that I know of – yet.